i found what i've lost

After playing basketball last nite alone in d dark at bakti’s court & today morning, I realized that there are sth that means a lot to me,and this is 1 of them. I found my long lost passion in playing this ball game, I found that there are some expectations & aims where I should never forget. Reminiscing how I used to be drowned beneath the excitement & eagerness & fervor, playing fr sun rise to sun set with sweat covering all over my entire body, man that is my sth. I just couldn’t quit playing this game I guess. I decided to re-join varsity team’s training & wanna go for the tournament at Medan(Indonesia) with all my team mates. Will I finally get a little bit closer to my unc??? Who cares. All I noe now it’s the time of my life & I wanna shine glaringly. I didn’t wanna be ordinary like most of the people. I want this to be one of the memorable & unforgettable moments in my life & I want this to be a part of my story of life. Go go jia you!!!(some inspirational saying of my somebody) Never give up!!!

day where i skipped my class for the 1st time=(

I woke up around 7 sth in the a.m. in order to attend LKM400 at 10 but what happened was that I found my self not feeling so well & for the 1^st time in this sem I skipped class. The 2^nd time I woke up was already 10a.m., normally I’ll only be sleeping until 7 sth. Hmm… it’s a tiring day >.<>.<>

i'm lost !!

Man I was lost when I’m looking for BT162 around foyer side cuz I thought all the BTs are in this area . I feel pretty sorry for my roommate for giving him the wrong information , real SORRY DUDE !!! I tried to reach a few of my frens to check out for the proper location of Bt162 & at long last I found it . I was late to enter the tutorial class so I bowed to my tutor as a sign of appreciation & asking for forgiveness , this was when those jackass of the “MA” blood line laughed at me . I was a little upset at that moment cuz they paid me no respect in my culture of respecting the elder which is my tutor. I gave no damn bout this after a few minutes though. Hm… I feel so happy that things finally get back to square one , I mean me & u Yen=) Bali bali was where I went for lunch with Pat & wow we are really full,I mean REALLY FULL!! We took porridge , chee cheong fun , kuey teow thng & dim sum. Took it all just by the two of us !!! oh my god,=0!! Then I started to do planning on the wus group discussion later at 3pm. Finally, I attended the YKT111’s lecture at DKA but that was still not the end of my day , yet. I went bak to tekun hoping to get a break, a short one at least. I went back to campus again to attend NRIC meeting at 9 in the p.m. And now I was hoping the meeting will end asap=)

There are times where I will ...

There are times where I will feel lonely as if I dun belong to anyway, as if I’m homeless & as if I’m alone all along. I do realize I’m actually have all these wonderful people around me and so I keep on asking my self , what do I seek? I dunno, that is the only thing I can say. I hope I can finally find an answer for this. I hope I can navigate out of this sea of darkness, of confusion & insecurities by my own. I hope to grow up so I will soon realize that there is actually no one I need but me. There is actually nothing I seek but me. But is the me I’ve been trying to reach really me??? Lord, gimme a sign…I really need to talk to you Lord ,Since the last time we talked the work has been hard
Now I know you haven't left me But I feel like I'm alone
I'm a big boy now but I'm still not grown
And I'm still going through it ,Pain and the hurt
Soaking up trouble like rain in the dirt. And I know! Only I can stop the rain
Wit just the mention of my saviors name, IN THE NAME OF JESUS!
Devil I rebuke you for what I go through, And trying make me do what I used to

But all that stops right here, As long as the Lords in my life I will have no fear
I will know no pain from the light to the dark
I will show no shame spit it right from the heart
Cause its right from the start, But you held me down
And ain't nothing they can tell me now
Lord give me a sign!!!

Let me know whats on your mind, Let me know what I'm gone find
Its all the time, Show me how to teach the mind, Show me how to reach the blind
Lord give me a sign!
Show me what I gots to do, To bring me closer to you, Cause I'm gonna go through
What ever you want me to, Just let me know what to do
Lord give me a sign!!!

welmo bash !!=))

Aarg … I lift my butt from the bed around 9 sth in the a.m. .After finish brushing & showering , I went down to the café with Ah Hung to jiak & stayed there for nearly 2 hours . We went to BJ around 12 to look for some cds & get Clarian some really delicious food as lunch . Em… it’s already 2 sth when I made it back to my room & of course I took a nap & slept for 1 hour (mayb?? Or even less) . I work on my assignments & planned for stuffs to be accomplished in coming 2 months I’m still thinking when to have the interview session with Mr Yeoh & I think should be on next Tuesday if nothing goes wrong (hopefully) =). So I can finish up my entrepreneur profile for WUS101 . Some groups seems to started selling & I think it’s time for my group to make a move as well or else … Still looking forward for the Welmo Bash later & I managed to persuade Ah Hung & Clarian to come along . It’s just too bad I couldn’t get my Jap , china & korea frens to cum =( feel sorry bout that . I think I failed to get a Swedish fren as well .Yahhh!!! A little upset bout that . I have to sort out the programme flow for career camp after the WB later so what time I’m gonna zzz… tonight remain unknown . I feel so good today as my doubts & worries just faded away not long ago haha !!! And so I went to the WB with Muslih(he is a Kuwaiti)together with Hung , Clarian & Edison(Indonesian). Besides I managed to get Dav(sweedish) to come along as well . It’s really a great night to see all these pep are satisfied & happy !! @ ROCKS !!! WUUUU!!!! I walked val back to her hostel & fix an appointment to have dinner with Siew Wen cuz she seems to has some frustrations & I’m gonna hear her out for sure . Not sure wheter will i still be meeting with Yen though around 7 in the p.m. I have been thinking wheter should I apply for OC for Nat Con or Corporate night , that really hits me but I must be well organized . Think care fully vance !!!

fruiful day for me , tiring though

I slept at Sumalin’s apartment last nite & thank god I managed 2 send my regards to Lotte before she takes off around 6 sth in the a.m. I woke up around 9 sth & went to penang hill , komtar to have the very 1st meal of my day . We head to sungai nibong to get bus ticket after that . We had a meeting at tekun café with others @ers regarding the welmo bash on tmr . I went to BJ for lunch & took a nap at U-heights around 4 in the p.m. I was SO HAPPY cuz I learned some roads today & because of the constant nagging of my darling Zahirah , I joined B.U.D.A.Y.A. to help out . Guess I’ll be REAL busy huh =) the more I do , the more I learn I guess . My fren once told me that , the more busy a man is , the more time he will have cuz he knows how to fully utilize the little time he has . It’s more on quality than quantity in the end . After meeting with Mushlih(Kuwaiti) , we had dinner at istimewa & went to night market & tesco after that . V chat a lot & he Speaks Good English . V share a lot about our country’s culture & education system & I even told him bout the 13th May incident . I went to paradise resort 2 meet vincent & others & join Yen’s b’day party at the same time . It’s good to see her happy =)cuz for me she is 24/7 melancholy pessimist . So it’s really hard 2 get her to feel happy from the bottom of her heart . Ok , now I start thinking of a close fren of mine . I like the atmosphere when v r chatting & when v r together cuz it is so relaxing & peaceful for me . It really sooth my mind & soul especially when I’m tired n not feeling so good . Thx Val !!! thx for making me feel so secured & I think I just got a person where our frequency is just so rite . High compatibility I would call that .I used 20 minutes to get bak from paradise resort to rst , I wonder is tat 2 fast ? I feel kinda good when I’m accelerating though . Luckily I’m still here with no harm at all =) I wanna go out 4 supper as I’m SOO starved . I MAU MAKAN LA !!! that is my day for today I guess . Looking forward to tmr’s welmo bash !!! it’s good , it’s good , it’s good to be an @er !!!i’m suffering from gastric since few days bak !!! it’s killing me cuz my stomach keep on feeling this constant nagging pain & I feel like vomiting all the time !!! should I consult a MP(medical practitioner) ? I wonder ???

4th of jan '08

Things finally got beta ! I woke up around 9 in the a.m. today .After having breakfast with my senior , I went to St. Nic . Yvonne (marketing exec.) asked me to bring a letter head as a prove that I’m actually doing this for NRIC & so I went back to USM . I reached campus around 12 in the noon & passed the bike 2 Nyok Yin at bakti . I rushed to see Baya (my publicity director of NRIC) & asked her to prepare what I’m asked by giving her a detail account addressing this issue . I went to meet zhe rong & others to help out the filming of the Welmo Bash’s vide clip at 12.30pm at dk foyer . Man , I was tensed =) I went to see Baya again around 2 sth at subaidah to collect those papers that I needed & signed on them . I rushed back to dk foyer again to meet my fren in order to borrow her bike . After meeting her and after getting the key , I went to cubicle to wait for Isac to pick me up & drop me off at RST cuz it would be a lot faster compare to taking campus’s bus . I started get more and more anxious as time goes on , tick , tick , tick … Cuz I wanna go bak to St. Nic for the interview & guess what they will be closing at 5.10pm . Well fortunately , I managed to be there within 15-20 minutes & that made the interview being successfully carried out . After shooting with Mr. Yusoff(the person I interviewew whom is a visually impaired) I promised him I’ll pay them a visit at ,least once in a week or maybe twice to do bonding & gardening =) well I think that is not so bad after all huh ??? I rushed to attend my SHE101 lecture at dtsp & yes I’m late for half and hour but who cares for that ??? It’s freaking boring after all & I just ended up chatting with my frens , haha , pity the speaker though . Well , I promised Yen that I’ll reached late on Saturday’s party at the beach side & there was when I finally felt relief … Thank God for always looking out for me out there & always gives me the best …I met Val for dinner & v have a 2 hours chat after that , wow it was so nice =) Never forgetting my appointment with sumalin , I went to meet him & brought him to my room for some casual chat . We then took our supper at khaleel & finally I went to his apartment to sleep haha … we watched some martial arts video clip like aikido & capoeira . wow that were amazing !!!

finally cheered up =) yeah

I went to queensbay with a few of my friends including Jason , Vincent , Melvin , Angela & Yen to havr lunch at NAndo’s . I feel really sorry cuz I’m unable to talk much as I’m feeling kinda dizzy , almost fainting I would say . Thank u all for alwiz being nice to me =) Love Y’all !!! Yen invited us to some beach side for outing the day after tmr as a celebration to her birthday which is just around the corner . After they left , I just roamed around alone to look for sth . Din reli get wat I wan though .. I went back to my hostel with Vincent & was hoping to take a nap .before I go out again later with Nyok Yin =) Man , I NEED A BREAK . I’m TOO TIRED !!! I wonder what will ching ask us to do tonight during meeting but I’m pretty sure it has sth to do with the NLDS ’07 which was hosted at UM 1 month ago . Guess I won’t know what is inside of the box till then =) What do I seek ? I think even me my self have no answer on that . So , I’ll just have to row & row & row my boat until I finally manage to navigate out of this confusion . Good luck capten vance , ahoy !!! My friend asked me what will I do if there happens to be just a tornado nearby ? Now I feel that I’m inside a tornado where I lost my way & can do nothing beside being pulled into the same spot , recycling again & again . When I’m down , I’ll think of what is said by Dale Carnegie(I think I din spell wrongly,hopefully haha) in some of his all-time masterpiece & the spirit of Michael Jordan which never gives up . They are some pep I always look up to . I wanna achieve my aims , I wan it badly & desperately as if I’m looking for an oasis when I’m lost in the meddle of desert . OUR DREAMS AND OUR ASPIRATIONS ARE OUR INVITATIONS TO SET NEW GOALS , ATTEMPT NEW TASKS , DARE TO TRAVEL WITHOUT COURSES . WE EACH HAVE GIFTS TO OFFER OUR FELLOW-TRAVELERS , BUT MUST FREQUENTLY NEED ENCOURAGEMENT TO RECOGNIZE OUR OWN STRENGTHS AND TALENTS . That day will soon to come , soon …

imbalanced?

I know I sensed sth different in the way she look me in her eyes , I hope that is sth positive for god sake . Will I be too aggressive at times ? I’m worry that I will somehow scare her off by that . Just … pls dun happen . I wanted to know what she is thinking to know if I’m right based on my notions , to know what she wants & … to know where I stand … My day start off by tiredness & I lost my balance for a few times when I’m walking in campus as if I got tripped and nearly fall down & kiss the ground . Anyhow , I felt happy for seeing her just a little bit disappointed when I failed to give her a big warm hug of mine while I’m telling her how thankful & grateful I’m for her kindness . It might seems nth 2 her but for me , it means a lot … a lot … what is unspoken finally spoke out . I felf kinda relief . I know what to do next do , YOU will always be a part of my heart . Love you … hope u’ll be happy always and you will have me in ur shadow (everywere u go)…Am I just got outta this never ending recycle of stand & fall , fall & restand in meeting some1 , in searching for a r’ship ?

new year , new begining , forget the bad , cherish the good ...

It’s reli awkward for me 2 feel kinda down & being pessimistic whole day long . It’s kind of like an emotional breakdown . Feel like I’m hopelessly in anything I do . That was where I started to doubt and doubt & redoubt my self , my capabilities , my directions , my path & my inner feelings . It must due to the exhaustion of my body & mind . I went to Slippery Senoritas last night for eve’s countdown with my friends . Boozing made me feel kinda relief I must admit as I’ve been depressed for the past few days . I was enjoying myself by taking vodka , boozes like Heineken & Tiger & dance but I’m disappointed cuz there are hardly any hot chicks as far as I observed . I made few new frens from China , Thailand & Korea & danced . I even danced with few chicks from Thailand & Korea and we became frens subsequently . I reached my hostel around 4 sth in the morning & slept at 5 . Thx to my room mate’s shitty 24/7 turned on radio , I woke up by 7 sth in the a.m. & I felt SO FUCKED UP as that was not my own will . GOD DAMN IT!! I felt like I’m a zombie today , so immobilized … I’m drowned in dizziness from sun rise to sun set , my life is just seems so imbalanced today . Everything turned 180 degrees up side down . I went to gurney & batu ferringhi by bike cuz I feel like getting my self some air . I received a text fr my some1 saying she is still in the mood of shopping . Honestly , that freak the hell outta me as she already been there (queensbay) ever since 2 pm ? or mayb 3pm? But , by knowing she is happy & enjoying what she is doing , I feel so glad , so satisfied …

slow wind breezing ...

Slow wind breezing & embracing my entire body , from top to toe , not missing a single inch of my skin . Touching by the tenderness of the breezing wind , I started to reminisce , I begun to worry & insecurity came to haunt me . I’m feeling insecure & lost as if I’m in the middle the middle in the Sahara Desert . Is the harmony at the moment the transitory peace before the tempest ? Will it happens to be just evanescence ? Darkest hours is the nearest to dawn , that is the only phrase I can use as consolation to comfort my stirred up mind …