some of my hidden thoughts where u might wanna know

Wow , what a refreshing morning I have after woke up =) It was that glaring sunlight again coming in from the window that woke me up around 7sth . Reminisce bout last night right before going to bed , I nearly make some big mistakes where I’ll be regret sooner or later . For god sake I was like drunk & some words just slipped outta my tongue when they shouldn’t be . I never thought I’ll expressed my feelings towards a very good fren of mine , & thank god she was open enough to take this & her openness saved our friendship =) I’m so glad for that . You know , a relationship is like reputation sometimes >>> lifetime to build , seconds to destroy<<< . I was like OH MY GOD , is some thing just gone wrong in me??? Why I made a move like this all of a sudden & I certainly didn’t think much about the consequences that this will lead to . What keeps bugging me was that am I taking her too much as a friend & caring her way too much beyond how it should be ??? I’ve thinking bout this but after I made up my mind , liking some1 or even loving some1 is just a natural chemical reaction which all of us will be experienced . My choice was to care for her still , watch her back like how I used to (not really sure if I’m really doing this) & yes , go on as how we use to be . I know this might sounds kinda ridiculous but it is more or less like a “knight” which will be on her demand anytime . Maybe this is what we called “true friendship” cuz I never really have 1 before though it might sound miserable .

I don’t have any happy schooling days back in my form6 studies especially after I broke up with my 2^nd gf which coincidentally happens to be in the same class room with . Things were good before the break up . But after on & off for 3 times (she wanted to break for the 1^st & 2^nd while I took the initiative to break up & end this agonizing relationship for the 3^rd time) that is the final & where bad things started to happen . They created this thing called AVC (Anti Vance Clan) in the mid of January of 2007 . In my class there were approximately 43 pupils while 36 of them are AVC members & others are neutral(maybe) . In other words , I’m all alone throughout the whole year . Not only that , they started recruiting members from other classes as well . Man those day was really sucks & terrible for me . I’ve found out later where they actually created an account in friendster & started sending testimonials which are mainly to comment & condemn bout me as if that is a platform for them to really do so . When I found out , I was really pissed but “never let anger cloud your judgement” . After I calmed my self down , I learned to deal with all these . What hurts me the most was that I lost a few of my friends (where I thought they are my friends before the incident) some one them even were my childhood friends due to their influence for dunno what reason . It was really heart breaking when I looked my friends in the eye & they just ignored you . Another thing for causing this will only be my popularity in school . I played basketball & I’m the capt for the school team so take makes me popular among my school mates . It actually make me feels good when my juniors (from form 1 to form5) always come to me & ask me to play basketball with them or even teach them like how to shoot , how to lay up , how to block , how to rebound & how to be strong willed when you are some points behind your opponent [cuz I’m the best player in school ya=)] . My form teacher have been asking me to stand in front of the class & do sharing bout my English cuz as a matter of fact , I actually came from a Chinese study background but yet my English is still better than most of them who is originally English-ed . I guess that is one of the root cause of the spreading & on-growing jealousy of these people. I even performed during the teachers’ day . It might sound weird but I sang “when I’m gone” by one of my favorite singer “Eminem” when I’m representing CLS(Chinese Language Society) . I found it feel so good during my singing when I see the reaction of the crowd which consists of students form1 to upper 6 which approximately 2000 pupils giving me responses , waving their hands & singing with me as well . This became a hot issue in my school for like weeks after the performance . There are actually more things these AVCians do but I dun wanna talk bout that . But you know what , rather than hatred , it is actually a thanks I owe them as I grew up because of this & I started not believing any single pep around me . I learned not to have faith & trust in pep . It was a heartaching past of mine & it still makes me feel bad after all this while .

Things changed after I came to uni as I soon realized there are actually pep I can trust like my best pals I have here >>>Melvin , Vincent , Clarian , Kok Hung , Edison , Shin Yen , Nyok Yin , Jason (?) & some other nice pep which I didn’t mention here . I started to open the window of my heart to these pep & that was when I found myself regain this long forsaken trust & faith for friends . I mean I appreciate them a lot more than they ever know so I must “be happy(even sometimes I’m down)” when I’m with them cuz I wanna see their happy faces which are nothing more than what I want . It seems like the goddess of luckiness is by my side to lead me in meeting AIESEC(@) , an organization which I like so much & makes me feel like I’m at home . Looking back when I 1^st went to “malam mesra” of AIESEC(@) , I was like wow !!! banging “tables” , shouting WASSUPs !!! & being highly energetic was my very first impression bout @ . After their slides are shown , I’m convinced that “man I wanna be in a part of this” and so I joined . My interest , curiosity & desire grow as time goes on . That was why I applied for being an OC (organizing committee) for LLDS & I failed . But this small failure didn’t dishearten me & I went to apply for OC of Youth Alive’07(HIV/AIDS issue based project) . After I got my position as an OC of programme , I took the initiative to become the secretary as well . Not long after that , I applied to become JE(junior excecutive) for OGX(Out Going eXchange dept) in @ . Fortunately , I got it all . It was a yeah!!!=)

That was the start of my @ story & a start for me in meeting all these wonderful pep like ayami , monami , Stefan , charina , serena , ching ling , rubi , nadia , hua khee , ranveer , yin wei , rachel & andrew (seniors) . Besides , I found true friendship in here as well by meeting them >>>zahirah(my beloved darling haha) , zhe rong , ekun , Jessica , wen thyng (juniors like me) . Besides locals , I met some internationals as well during the recent NLDS(National Leadership Development Seminar) which was held in UM . For instance , Dat & Thung from Vietnam , Vera & Addison from Taiwan , Eloise & Flic from Australia , Yanne from Finland , Tya from Indonesia , Valerie from Hong Kong , David from New Zealand , Ivan from Singapore , Yun Zhou from China & some really wonderful facis like Schwonne . Well I’m a little bit tired now , so I will share u guys later ya …=)

To be continued …